Managing Perimenopausal Rage through Shamanic Drumming
There is a specific kind of heat that rises during perimenopause, and I’m not talking about the hot flash. It’s a molten, tectonic shift. For decades, many of us have been socialised to be the cool girl, the patient mother, or the reliable colleague. Anger has been shamed out of us. Be polite, compliant, and agreeable.
But as our oestrogen begins its jagged descent, the filter that kept our frustrations polite begins to disintegrate.
We call it hormonal rage. But what if we tried on a new reframe, and instead, called it an alignment to our truth?
The Myth of the Crazy Woman
Society loves to clinicalise perimenopausal anger - and actually anger by women at any age. It’s always blamed on our hormones. (I’ve literally had another woman sneer at me that it ‘must be the time of the month’ when I spoke up about an injustice. I was a young woman of around 20 at the time, and that comment by this older woman filled me with rage.)
But there is something really clever going on with this dismissive pathologisation of a natural human emotion that men are allowed to feel and express and women are not. The patriarchy is at work again, and it can reveal itself in subtle ways. Through how we are raised, by how our teachers speak to us, by how boys are treated differently to girls, to how we are spoken to and expected to behave at work and even by other women who have internalised misogyny.
By labelling anger a symptom, the world can ignore the message behind the fire. We are told our tempers are disproportionate, but in reality, this rage is often a delayed response to years of unmet needs, crossed boundaries, and the heavy lifting of invisible labour.
In The Great Unravelling,"we aren't losing our minds; we are losing our ability to tolerate the intolerable. The problem isn't the fire - it’s that we don’t have a hearth to contain it.
Why the Drum?
When the rage hits, talking often isn't enough. In fact, trying to reason through a perimenopausal surge can feel like trying to use a paper fan to put out a forest fire. We need a somatic exit ramp.
There are many ways to do this. One approach I use when I’m feeling really upset and angry is to take myself for a walk in nature. Or do some vigorous arm swings followed by breathwork to allow the emotion to be seen, held, and then flow through.
But there is something delightfully ancient, anarchic, and visceral about shamanic drumming. A unique touch point to our ancestors before the patriarchy took hold.
Shamanic drumming is a steady, rhythmic beat of the frame drum and offers something transformative and powerful for this transition. Here is why it works:
Externalisation: The drum becomes an external heart. When you strike it or hear it, you are physically moving the sensation of spiky cortisol out of your nervous system and into the hide of the drum.
Entrainment: The steady 4/4 beat (the "horse" that the shaman rides) helps synchronise the brain's erratic electrical activity. It coaxes the "fight or flight" brain back into a state of focused presence. It takes us from a state of beta brain waves to theta, a relaxed more steady state where we can find relaxation.
Validation through Sound: The drum doesn't ask you to be quiet. It demands to be heard. It provides a voice for the parts of you that have been silenced.
The Shamanic Perspective: In many indigenous traditions, the unravelling of perimenopause is seen as a shamanic initiation. The rage is the heat of the forge, melting down the old self so the Wise Woman can be cast. The drum is the tool that keeps the spirit grounded while the ego burns.
Reframing the experience of perimenopause is an incredibly powerful way to embrace the changes our bodies go through. Yes, they are brutal and at times extremely inconvenient and hard to cope with. But seeing them as a transition to another phase of our life where our judgement and wisdom can emerge and thrive feels more worth it than seeing them as a set of symptoms to be managed away.
The Rage-to-Rhythm Ritual
You don’t need to be a musician to use a drum as a therapeutic tool. You simply need a frame drum, a sturdy tabletop, or even your thighs or chest and ten minutes of privacy.
Identify the Need: Before you strike, name the source. Is it the mental load? The lack of recognition? The feeling of being "unseen"? Hold that "unmet need" in your mind.
The Initial Release: Start with a chaotic, fast beat. Let the drum mimic the internal cacophony. Don't worry about "tempo." This is the sonic version of a primal scream. Go as fast as you feel your heart is going right now, as fast as your breath and nervous system are racing.
The Heartbeat Shift: As the peak of the anger passes, consciously slow the beat down to a steady, thumping heartbeat - around 4 beats per second. This is the Theta brainwave state that we enter into when we meditate, dream, and where healing happens.
The Final Silence: When you stop drumming, sit in the vibration. Notice the space where the rage used to be. Sometimes, underneath the fire, you will find a deep, clear insight about what needs to change in your life.
From Mad to Powerful
Perimenopause is a reclamation. The Great Unravelling is a stripping away of everything that isn't you. By using the drum to process the intensity, we stop being victims of our hormones and start becoming masters of our power.
Your rage isn't a glitch in the system. It’s the check engine light for your soul. It’s time to listen to the beat.
A Guided Ritual for Perimenopausal Rage
Here is a more in-depth guide for doing a perimenopausal rage ritual. You could incorporate this into a new or full moon ritual, or during those times of your cycle when you’re feeling deep emotions. These often occur around ovulation and of course, a few days before our period.
If you have PMDD, and you have the energy to do so, you could do this ritual every few days through those two or so weeks when you’re most struggling.
Always start gently and honour any sensations your body is experiencing. If anything feels too triggering or overwhelming, pause. Ask your body not to overwhelm and if it feels appropriate continue, or leave until another day.
You can record yourself saying these scripts, or read them out loud as part of the ritual.
Preparation
Find your space: A place where you won’t be interrupted and, ideally, where you can make some noise.
The Tool: A frame drum is traditional, but a djembe, a tabletop, or even a heavy pillow will work. You can also drum on your body, drumming on the chest or thighs can feel very relieving of stress and tension.
The Stance: Sit with your spine straight but not rigid. Plant your feet firmly on the floor. Feel the heaviness of your body.
Step 1: The Incubation - Locating the Fire
Before you strike the drum, close your eyes. Take three deep breaths, exhaling through your mouth with a sigh.
The Script: "I acknowledge the heat rising in me. I stop calling it 'hormonal' and start calling it 'truth.'
I scan my body: Where is the rage sitting? Is it the tightness in my jaw from things unsaid? Is it the weight in my shoulders from carrying the world?
I identify one specific unmet need: one 'no' that should have been said, or one 'yes' I am owed. I bring that fire into my hands."
Step 2: The Eruption - The Chaotic Discharge
Start drumming. Do not look for a rhythm yet. Hit the drum with the intensity of your frustration. Let the beats be irregular, loud, and unapologetic.
Instruction: Drum for 2–3 minutes. If you feel like growling or humming, let it out.
The Goal: You are moving the charge out of your nervous system and into the drum.
The Script: "I am not 'too much.' I am enough.
I release the pressure of being the 'good woman.'
I shatter the expectation of my silence. This drum can hold what the world cannot. I give my rage a voice, and it sounds like thunder."
Step 3: The Earthbeat - The Steady Return
Slow the drum down. Transition into a steady, hypnotic 4/4 beat, like a heartbeat, but faster. Aim for approximately 4 beats per second.
Instruction: This is the shamanic horse. Maintain this steady beat for 5–10 minutes.
The Goal: This frequency induces a Theta brainwave state, shifting you from Fight or Flight to Insight.
The Script: "I return to centre. I am the hearth, and I am the flame.
As the drum beats, my nervous system recalibrates. I am grounding the electricity of my anger into the earth.
I am steady. I am ancient. I am listening."
Step 4: The Integration - The Post-Drum Silence
Stop drumming abruptly. Place your fingertips lightly against the skin of the drum to feel the final vibration or hold your hands over your heart space if you aren’t using a drum. Keep your eyes closed.
Instruction: Sit in the silence for at least two minutes.
The Script: "In the space where the rage was, what is the truth? (Listen for the first word that comes to mind).
I honour the message my anger brought me. I do not need to be cured of my power; I only need to be its master.
I am unraveled, and now, I am free to re-weave."
Closing the Ritual
Drink a glass of water. Write down the one truth or need that surfaced during the Earthbeat. This is your compass for the next month.
