Cultivating Self-Compassion in Times of Shame

Overcoming Shame and Poor Self-Worth through Self-compassion Practices

Many women struggle with harsh self-judgement, feelings of shame, and low self-worth. These internal battles can deeply affect your mental health, relationships, and overall sense of peace. Leaving you exhausted and depleted and wondering what is wrong with you.

I believe that healing begins by learning to speak kindly to yourself. It is possible to shift how you relate to your innermost experiences and nervous system. This awareness can create space for a pause, allowing you to examine why you’re speaking so harshly to yourself and what you can do instead.

Today, I’m exploring practical and gentle ways to create self-compassion, reduce shame, and rebuild a more nurturing inner dialogue.

Understanding Shame and Its Impact

Shame is a powerful emotion that often arises from a sense of not being good enough or feeling inherently flawed. It can make you feel isolated and unworthy of love or acceptance, creating a self-reinforcing cycle of negative thoughts and emotions.

Often rooted in our family of origin and early in our childhood, shame speaks of belonging. Its role is to keep us inline so we fit in and don’t get ousted from the ‘tribe’. In some families, this meant giving up our authenticity in order to continue our survival.

By reconnecting with your body and nervous system through somatic approaches, you start to recognise these shame responses as physical sensations rather than truths about your worth. And while it might take more work to change those beliefs about what you need to do to belong, understanding what is happening when we speak to ourselves unkindly is a great first step towards healing.

The Power of the Inner Voice

How you talk to yourself matters profoundly. If your internal dialogue is critical or dismissive, it amplifies feelings of shame. While it isn’t always easy, transforming this voice from harsh critic into one of kind friend is incredibly powerful for healing.

Here are some good ways to start:

1. Practice Mindful Self-Awareness

Notice when your inner critic becomes loud. Take note of the thoughts and feelings without judgement. Mindfulness creates a space between you and your negative self-talk, making it easier to respond with compassion. I like to do this through journalling. You can write longhand, type, or do voice notes, whatever works best for you.

2. Use Compassionate Language

Replace harsh words with gentle affirmations. Instead of telling yourself you’re useless try, "I’m doing my best, and that’s enough." Speaking kindly to yourself reinforces a sense of safety and acceptance in your nervous system. It might feel uncomfortable to start with, or even like you’re lying to yourself. But I promise if you keep going it gets easier. You are rewiring the brain through neuroplasticity which takes time and repetition.

3. A Parts Approach

Parts work understands that there are different parts within you. Some that feel ashamed and others that want to protect or criticise. By recognising and listening to these parts with curiosity rather than judgement, you can start healing the internal conflicts that fuel shame. There are clues in the words they use. In the feelings you get and the actions you take as a result. Start to deep dive into your responses to certain situations and the words you say to yourself later. There are important messages in there.

4. Somatic Techniques for Grounding

Shame often triggers a nervous system response into fight or flight, or sometimes even shutdown. Grounding techniques can soothe these responses. I’ve listed some of my favourite at the bottom of this article. When your body feels safe, your mind is more open to compassionate self-talk.

5. Create a Ritual of Self-Kindness

Develop daily practices that affirm your worth. This might include journalling, speaking aloud affirmations, or holding space for self-kindness during challenging moments. Repetition helps rewire your nervous system to expect gentleness rather than criticism.

Healing Is a Journey, Not a Destination

Overcoming shame and poor self-worth takes time and patience. By integrating somatic approaches with therapeutic tools like parts work and talking therapies, you gradually learn to listen to your body’s signals. This helps you to release stored pain, and replace shame with self-kindness. Remember, being kind to yourself is a radical act of healing in a world that often demands perfection.

Here are some of my favourite body-based practices for soothing a disquieted nervous system:

• Movement - going for a walk, swaying on the spot, slow yoga, dancing to music are all great for shifting uncomfortable feelings through your body

• Breathing - try box breathing to soothe the nervous system, three counts to inhale, hold for three, exhale for three, pause for three. You can also try diaphragm breathing. Place the hands on the belly and breathe so they separate. If you find this difficult, lean forwards slightly as this helps the diaphragm to relax.

• Self-touch - you can try placing your hand where you feel an uncomfortable sensation, holding it there until you start to relax. Or you can do a butterfly hold. Fold your arms in front of you and place your hands on your upper arms, then gently tap your fingers alternately each side. This bi-lateral stimulation is soothing.

I tend to mix up techniques when I’m feeling really activated. This lets my nervous system gradually return to calm. It isn’t an instant thing and may need to be revisited through the day if you’ve had a particularly stressful event.

At Somatic Harmony Healing, I’m here to support you on this path, to help you reconnect with your body, calm your nervous system, and develop a loving inner voice. You are worthy of compassion and kindness, every step of the way. You can find one to one and group work to help you on your way.