Why Safety, Not Catharsis, Is the Key to Deep Healing
When it comes to healing, it is safety that our body and mind needs. While we may feel that processing trauma or difficult experiences requires a reliving and retelling of those events so we can cognitively understand them (and that can be helpful), what healing is really all about is feeling safe.
When we are traumatised, it is because we’ve experienced something that has sent our nervous system into a profound state of fear. Every time we experience something in our present that triggers that sense of fear, we have a reaction.
These reactions can be anger, shame, anxiety, or any number of fear-based emotional responses. And can show up as wanting to hide away and isolate, a desperate need to appease through putting others’ needs first, or angry outbursts and meltdowns.
What Is Safety?
Unlike a pursuit of catharsis - where we seek a sudden emotional release - deep healing requires a secure environment where you can explore your inner landscape without fear of judgement. Our nervous system must perceive an environment of safety.
We start therapeutic work to make sense of and process our experiences, right? If we undertake this from a place of catharsis we can experience emotional flooding, where we become overwhelmed with the emotions associated with that experience. This can mean that we don’t fully process what happened to us and can be re-traumatised.
Safety means creating a foundation for trust. When we feel secure, we are more likely to engage intentionally with our bodies and emotions. We can be with our experiences instead of reliving them. That is the fundamental of IFS, actually. Connecting into our Self energy allows us to feel fully resourced to be with our difficult past, but not in it.
This supportive approach facilitates the building of self-awareness and resilience, enabling you to examine your experiences in manageable doses. We can also enter the nervous system state of ventral vagal, where our parasympathetic nervous system experiences feelings of safety, connection, and openness.
This is the basis of all somatic healing work. Our journey to holistic wellness becomes one of of integration. We can learn to listen to our body's signals, affirming our emotions while navigating them with a sense of control and agency. We don’t have to be swept away and lost to our feelings. We can remain grounded in the present moment so we can form a loving relationship with our Self, our body, and our mind.
How We Ensure Safety In Practice
Prioritising safety over catharsis in therapeutic settings empowers you to develop a deeper understanding of your trauma, which helps with long-term resilience and emotional wellbeing. My role is to create and maintain this sanctum of safety, which provides the environment for you to turn each session into a step forward on the path of your own healing.
Co-regulation, titration, and safety are essential components in trauma healing, particularly through somatic therapy methods.
Co-regulation refers to the process of how we all mutually influence each other's nervous systems. In a therapeutic context, this means that a therapist can help a client achieve emotional regulation by creating a supportive and attuned environment. When clients feel safe and attuned to their therapist, they can begin to regulate their own emotional responses more effectively. This connection develops a sense of security, allowing clients to explore and process their trauma with greater ease.
Titration is the practice of addressing trauma in manageable doses. Rather than overwhelming clients with the full intensity of their traumatic experiences, titration encourages them to engage with small, specific aspects of their trauma. Zooming in then zooming out again. Be with, not in. This method reduces the risk of re-traumatisation and enables clients to process their experiences gradually. By breaking down trauma into smaller parts, clients can better tolerate and integrate their feelings and memories.
Safety is paramount in the healing process. Establishing a safe therapeutic environment allows clients to feel secure enough to explore their vulnerabilities. Safety is not just physical but also emotional and psychological. It involves clear boundaries, mutual respect, and a strong therapeutic relationship. When clients trust their therapist and feel protected, they are more likely to engage in the healing process fully.
What You Can Do At Home
Creating safety for your nervous system at home is essential for your overall wellbeing. And that’s true for all of us. Here are some simple ways to help you feel more secure and relaxed in your space. What can you adapt to make your living environment as nurturing as possible for you?
Establish a Calm Environment: Keep your home comfy. That might be tidy and clutter-free. Or it might be lived in and soothing. A space that works for your individual preferences can help reduce feelings of overwhelm. Use colours you love and natural light to create a soothing atmosphere.
Create a Comfort Corner: Designate an area in your home as your “comfort corner.” Fill it with soft cushions, blankets, vibrant or muted colours depending on your preference. And items that bring you joy, like favourite books, paintings, photos, or activities that you like to do. This space should feel safe and inviting.
Use Calming Scents: Aromatherapy can be beneficial for your nervous system. Essential oils like lavender or chamomile can promote relaxation. Use a diffuser or light a scented candle to fill your space with calming scents.
Incorporate Nature: Bring elements of nature into your home. Plants can enhance your mood and create a sense of peace. Having the window open so you can hear the birds singing can be soothing.
Mindful Rituals: Establish daily routines or rituals that promote mindfulness, such as meditation, deep breathing exercises, or gentle stretching. These practices can help ground you and ease anxiety.
Limit Overstimulation: Pay attention to the noise and technology in your space. Reduce loud sounds or screen time, especially before bed. Consider soft music or soothing sounds instead to create a more relaxing atmosphere. Gentle yoga or firm pressure self massage can be very effective in reducing overstimulation.
Talk to Your Family: Communicate your needs with those you live with. Setting boundaries regarding your personal time and space can help you feel more secure and reduce stress. And help if you’re a bit of a people pleaser who doesn’t put your needs first.
Prioritise Comfort: Invest in comfortable furniture and bedding. Having a good chair or supportive mattress can physically support your body and help with relaxation.
Connect with Your: Spend time doing activities that bring you joy and satisfaction, like crafting, reading, or cooking - alone or with others. Engaging in activities you love reinforces feelings of safety and contentment and teaches your nervous system what safety feels like.
Practice Gratitude: Keep a gratitude journal to remind yourself of the positive aspects of your life. Focusing on what you appreciate can counterbalance negative thoughts and increase your overall sense of safety. It’s also just a beautiful practice that helps to rewire the brain when we offer a moment of thanks regularly throughout our day.
Really, creating safety at home is about understanding your individual needs and spending some time exploring what feels good for you.
Self-care has become much more mainstream and acceptable, but is it self care if we’re not doing what feels right for us? There is always a compromise to be made with partners and children of course, and so often what jangles our nerves can be their way of self-regulating. Communication is so important here to try to ensure that there is a balance for all members of the household to have an environment they can restore in, whatever that looks like.
