Attachment, Trauma, and the Nervous System: the connections
Our earliest relationships shape the architecture of our minds and bodies. The attachment patterns formed in childhood through interactions with our caregivers, lay the foundation for how we relate to ourselves, others, and the world.
When these relationships are marked by trauma, which can include the intergenerational trauma we pass from parent to child, they imprint on the nervous system. This can lead to lifelong challenges in emotional regulation, trust, and health. Causing us to repeat those patterns in our future relationships.
Understanding the interplay between attachment, trauma, and the nervous system can offer incredible insight into both suffering and pathways to healing.
Attachment: Our First Blueprint for Relationships
Attachment theory, first developed by psychologist John Bowlby, is based upon humans being biologically wired to seek closeness to caregivers for survival.
Which makes sense. As children, we cannot survive on our own. So we have no choice but to bond to our caregivers. Irrespective of the quality of that relationship.
The quality of these early interactions determines the type of attachment a child develops:
Secure Attachment: When caregivers are consistently responsive and emotionally available, children learn that the world is safe, others are trustworthy, and their own emotions are valid.
Insecure Attachment: When caregiving is inconsistent, rejecting, or frightening, children may develop avoidant, anxious, or disorganized attachment styles. These patterns often persist into adulthood.
These attachment styles aren’t just psychological—they are biological, encoded in the brain and body.
I will say that I believe we are all a mix of secure and insecure attachment styles. No parent is perfect in all situations. And when you take into consideration post natal problems, work stress, societal pressures and challenges like covid lockdowns, global events, and the cost of living crisis, you can see how easy it is for the child-caregiver relationship to be impacted.
Trauma: A Disruption in Safety and Connection
Trauma occurs when we become overwhelmed by a threat that exceeds our ability to cope. Childhood trauma, especially developmental or relational trauma, happens in the context of attachment - often when our caregivers become sources of fear, neglect, or abuse. Or don’t protect us from something that has happened to us.
Trauma doesn’t only reside in memory, it lives in the body. This is where the nervous system comes in.
The Nervous System: A Biological Mirror of Attachment and Trauma
The autonomic nervous system (ANS) governs our automatic functions, like heart rate, breathing, and stress response, when we sleep, when we need to eat. It's divided into three key branches:
Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS): Activates the "fight or flight" response in the face of danger.
Parasympathetic Nervous System (PNS): Promotes rest, digestion, and repair. The ventral vagal branchsupports connection and social engagement.
Dorsal Vagal System (part of the PNS): Engages a shutdown or freeze response during overwhelming threat.
According to polyvagal theory developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, our ability to feel safe and connect with others depends on the ventral vagal state. This is when we are rooted in a state of calm, and we have a socially engaged nervous system.
Trauma and insecure attachment disrupt this capacity, causing the nervous system to get stuck in states of hyperarousal (anxiety, hypervigilance) or hypoarousal (numbness, dissociation).
Attachment Trauma and Nervous System (or emotional) Dysregulation
When a child is repeatedly exposed to stress without adequate soothing from a caregiver, their nervous system adapts by staying on high alert for longer than it should or shutting down to protect itself. Over time, this can result in:
Emotional dysregulation - in present day this may look like flying off into rages easily, crying easily, or closing off from other people at times of stress
Chronic anxiety or depression - in present day this can look like cycles of depressive episodes. Or waves of anxiety is certain situations.
Difficulty forming healthy relationships - this can look like always going for the bad boy/girl, or repeatedly having unsatisfying relationships that leave you hurt and confused
Dissociation or identity fragmentation - this can look like not having a clear sense of self, or not really knowing what you like or what is your opinion or someone else’s
Unresolved attachment trauma wires the nervous system for survival, not connection.
Healing: Rewiring Through Safety and Connection
The good news is that the nervous system is plastic - it can change. Healing from trauma and insecure attachment involves creating new experiences of felt safety, attunement, and connection. Key components of healing include:
Therapeutic Relationships: Trauma-informed therapy (eg somatic therapy, EMDR, internal family systems) can help you regulate your nervous systems and develop secure attachment internally. You develop a strong relationship to your Self.
Body-Based Practices: Yoga, breathwork, and mindfulness reconnect you with your body and help restore nervous system balance.
Safe Relationships: Consistent, empathetic connections with others can gradually reshape attachment patterns.
Self-Regulation Tools: Learning to recognise which nervous system state you’re in in different situations is so helpful. And can help you become more flexible in your nervous system to shift from activation back to centred.
Attachment, trauma, and the nervous system form a powerful triad that shapes much of our internal world and external behaviour. When we begin to understand that trauma is not just “in our head,” but deeply rooted in the body’s survival mechanisms, we can approach healing with more compassion and self-love.
If you’re struggling with your relationships, it could be related to attachment wounds. Reach out to book a free consultation to discuss your concerns by using the button below.
