Celebrating Menopause Awareness Day the AuDHD Way.
Perimenopause and menopause bring a host of challenges for many women, but for those of us who are neurodivergent, specifically AuDHD (autistic + ADHD), the experience can be far more profound and complex than is commonly known.
While the wider conversation tends to centre on hot flushes and brain fog starting in our mid-40s or 50s, AuDHD women often face symptoms much earlier, sometimes beginning in our early 30s. More importantly, these symptoms go way beyond a hot flush, impacting our nervous system in ways that leave us feeling more than just tired. We’re talking about a functional freeze or shutdown. It can feel like your life has gone completely off the rails, with women between 45-54 years of age having the highest suicide rates of any age group.
So as the annual Menopause Awareness Day passes us by, I wanted to shed some light on some of the experiences that AuDHD women have in relation to peri and menopause. What is going on in the body. And share some nervous system resetting hacks that are low demand yet really beneficial for supporting AuDHD women’s mental health during this challenging time.
The Perfect Storm: ADHD, Autism, and Menopause
Living with AuDHD means constantly balancing the novelty seeking of ADHD’s impulsivity with the rigidity of autism’s need for routine and sensory control. This delicate act is exhausting in itself. Add sensory overwhelm, social demands, masking, and now the hormonal upheaval of perimenopause or menopause, and you’ve got a perfect storm of energy depletion. The only destination is burnout.
This is why so many women are diagnosed with neurodivergence during their 40s and 50s. What we undergo during those years represents a fundamental breakdown of everything we’ve been holding together for the past few decades.
There is nothing more profoundly challenging than being an ND woman going through the influx of changing hormones during puberty, pregnancy, post-pregnancy, and then in perimenopause. More than just fatigue or a bit of forgetfulness or moodiness during these life changing events, what many AuDHD women experience is a nervous system overwhelmed to the point of getting stuck in standby mode.
This isn’t simply being tired. It’s a kind of functional freeze where the body and mind feel stuck, unable to move fluidly between engagement and rest.
The Science Behind the Overwhelm
There is robust science behind this experience, centred on Heart Rate Variability (HRV). I wrote about this recently and it is a fascinating topic that needs much more visibility. HRV is a key metric that indicates our nervous system’s flexibility and resilience. It measures the ability of your body to shift between the sympathetic nervous system’s fight-flight-freeze response and the parasympathetic nervous system’s rest-digest-repair state.
During perimenopause and menopause, the hormonal chaos of fluctuating oestrogen and progesterone levels drastically lowers HRV. This reduces our nervous system’s ability to recalibrate - meaning we are basically stuck in sympathetic fight-flight-freeze with a huge influx of cortisol, our main stress response hormone.
This leads to extreme fatigue, heightened sensory sensitivities, and worsening executive function challenges. What we may have spent decades successfully masking suddenly becomes unmaskable and is completely debilitating during this time.
An ND-Friendly Approach to Hacking Your Nervous System
Understanding HRV and the biology behind our symptoms is empowering, but we also need practical tools to navigate the storm without adding more pressure. Conventional advice often ignores neurodivergence and ends up feeling like another impossible task on the daily list.
When you’re ADHD it can be impossible to get your ducks in a row for long enough to execute more tasks. And Autism can find some approaches too stimulating. And if you’re an AuDHDer who’s stuck in functional freeze then the last thing you want is more to do.
So I’ve curated a list of my favourite nervous system resetting and calming practices that you can do anywhere, anytime. That fit with what you’re already doing. You only need to pick one thing to make a huge difference to your poor depleted nervous system.
Movement
Gentle rocking or swaying while seated
Slowly stretching one part of the body, such as the neck or shoulders, just enough to feel a slight release
Engaging in repetitive, gentle hand movements like knitting, beading, or squeezing a soft stress ball or fidget toy
Allowing natural, unforced yawning or sighing to happen
Wrapping yourself in a soft blanket or textured scarf
Lying horizontal, or putting your feet up the wall while your back rests on the floor
Taking brief, mindful pauses to notice body sensations without judgement
Touch
Placing hands gently on the heart or belly for grounding
Doing light finger tapping or tracing familiar patterns on the skin
Stroking a favourite soft object like a blanket, scarf or cuddly - or pet!
Using a weighted lap pad or small weighted item that feels comforting
Sound
Listening to calming ambient sounds or nature recordings at a comfortable volume
Opening the window and listening to birdsong or rustling leaves
Scent and Breath
Engaging in slow, deep belly breathing with focus on the sensation rather than counting breaths or doing it ‘exactly right’
Holding a warm cup of tea and inhaling the scent
Smelling a favourite calming scent, such as lavender or chamomile
Sight
Watching slow-moving visuals, such as fish in an aquarium or leaves blowing in the wind
Sitting or lying in a comfortable position with eyes closed or softly gazing at a low-light source
Each of these techniques honours your sensory preferences and energy rhythms, ensuring regulation without pressure or exertion. Notice how lots of them are based on stimming techniques you probably already do, unconsciously? Well, that is the route to finding what works for you.
I regularly share movement options like yoga, and breathing techniques that are very soothing but structured. They’re great, and I use them myself all the time. But there are times when you need to adapt, reduce demand, and just do the thing with minimal effort. I give you permission to do less.
