Finding the Self and creating an authentic life
The concept of the Self has been explored for centuries across the world and in many different conceptual areas, including philosophy, psychology, and spirituality.
The essence of Self can be understood as our awareness of our own identity. A deep knowing that encompasses what we think, how we feel, the values we hold close, our belief system, and our experiences.
It can be hard to really know who we are. Especially if we have had a lot of trauma, or are neurodivergent, or have had to mask our true selves in some way.
Read on to find out how to create an authentic connection to Self to live a life in alignment.
How Can We Understand Our Self
From a somatic perspective, understanding the Self involves recognising the intricate relationship between the mind and body. The body holds memories and emotions, often influencing how we experience our identity. Somatic practices encourage us to connect with these bodily sensations, bringing a deeper understanding of the Self that transcends cognitive constructs.
The Self is really a state of being. Of being attuned and in tune. A kind of feeling of oneness with the earth and the universe, like when we’re in a dream state. In that state, we have no edges or boundaries, our consciousness seems to almost merge into something bigger. For some, that is what connecting to Self can feel like.
The Self is not a static entity but a dynamic process, continuously shaped by internal and external influences. It is a complex interplay of thoughts, emotions, and bodily experiences that contribute to our overall sense of existence and identity.
Connecting to Self
Connecting to Self is a deeply personal experience that can manifest in various ways. Here are some signs that you may have or are on your way to establishing this connection:
Inner Calmness: You may experience a profound sense of peace and stillness within, even amidst external chaos. This calmness is often accompanied by clarity in your thoughts, feeling, and goals.
Authentic Expression: You feel free to express your true Self, revealing your thoughts and emotions openly. This authenticity leads to deeper connections with others as you attract similar energies to yours.
Intuition: Your intuition becomes more pronounced, guiding you towards choices that align with your values and goals. You trust your instincts more, often feeling supported by an inner knowing.
Joy and Fulfillment: You may notice an increase in moments of joy and fulfilment in your everyday life. Engaging in activities that resonate with your authentic Self feel right, whereas activities that don’t align may feel more uncomfortable or forced.
Sense of Purpose: You develop a clearer sense of direction in your life, feeling more aligned with your values and passions. This sense of purpose fuels your motivation and aspirations.
When you see these signs, it can be a joyful coming home to your true Self. This sense of knowing, of coming home to yourself fuels a deeper exploration and growth on your journey towards healing and self-awareness.
Connecting to Self means a leap of faith into the unknown. A comfortableness with not knowing. Stepping into vulnerability. It can be a truly beautiful experience, but one that requires trust. If we aren’t connected to Self, due to trauma, stress, anxiety, or any other blockers, then it will be difficult to trust that it is real and something we can experience.
This is at the heart of IFS, teaching our parts that it is okay to trust the Self, and for the whole system to become attuned and aligned with each other.
Self, Vulnerability, and Authenticity
Vulnerability is the state of being open to emotional exposure, risk, and uncertainty. It involves allowing ourselves to be seen authentically, without the façades that often protect us from judgement or criticism.
In essence, vulnerability is about embracing our imperfections and recognising that it is a natural part of being human. It’s why it is so hard to be vulnerable. As it does feel risky. And if we’ve experienced a shaming of our Self in our life, a minimising of our needs, a flaunting of our boundaries, then stepping into vulnerability can feel really scary.
Yet vulnerability can lead to deeper connections with others and greater self-acceptance. It is often (but not always, as it depends on how you connect with others) a need that must be met for genuine intimacy. Vulnerability invites others to share their authentic selves, too.
Looked at like that, it is rather beautiful. That we are all slightly damaged, vulnerable parts that are looking for authentic connection with others. Of course our Self, the true nature of us, isn’t damaged at all. So sometimes to access vulnerability, it can be easier to connect with the Self. And through that openness to Self we can access more love - for ourselves and others.
It also needs to be said that vulnerability is not a sign of weakness. It is in fact a powerful catalyst for growth and healing. By acknowledging and expressing our feelings and experiences, our dark shadow side and wounded parts, we create space for understanding and transformation, allowing for greater integration of the Self.
In therapeutic contexts, embracing vulnerability can facilitate the release of trauma and chronic anxiety, promoting a more holistic approach to healing.
While it may feel uncomfortable or even frightening, being vulnerable brings resilience and courage.
Steps To Alignment
Living in alignment with your truth and Self energy requires a conscious commitment to self-awareness and authenticity. Here are some steps to guide you on this journey:
1. Cultivate Self-Connection
Take time to reflect on your values, desires, and beliefs. Journaling, meditation, or simply spending quiet time in nature can help you connect with your true Self.
Notice your thoughts and feelings without judgement. This understanding will provide insight into what aligns with your authentic Self.
2. Get Familiar With Your Values
Determine what truly matters to you. Consider aspects such as relationships, career, health, and personal growth.
Write these values down to create a clear guide for your decisions, based on what is important to you.
3. Listen to Your Body
Pay attention to your physical sensations and emotions. The body often holds wisdom about your true feelings. Somatic practices, such as breathwork or movement, can help you connect with and interpret these signals.
This is helpful to identify when you are living outside of or making decisions not aligned to your values. Your body knows.
4. Set Boundaries
Protect your energy by establishing healthy boundaries. Learn to say no to situations, people, or commitments that do not resonate with your truth.
Truly understand what a boundary is, and live authentically by them. A boundary is not what you expect others to do, but what you will accept in your life. You hold a boundary by taking action to keep it honoured.
5. Embrace Your Vulnerability
Allow yourself to be open and vulnerable with others. Sharing your authentic Self can create deeper connections and support you in living in alignment with your truth.
6. Take Action
Make choices that reflect your values and authenticity. Start small if needed; each step towards living your truth creates momentum.
7. Reflect Regularly
Regularly reassess your alignment with your truth. Life circumstances may change, and it’s important to adapt your actions and choices accordingly.
This also allows us to continue living in alignment with Self-love, led from a place of Self energy, not ego. We can more readily accept when we’ve made mistakes and make genuine reparation for them.
8. Seek Support
Consider working with a therapist or coach who embraces a somatic approach. They can guide you in exploring your truth and integrating it into your life.
Talk to friends who are of a similar mindset or seekers of their own truth and Self. It is so powerful to move toward healing in community.
9. Practice Self-Compassion
Be kind to yourself during this journey. Embrace the fact that self-discovery is an ongoing process, and it’s natural to encounter challenges along the way.
10. Celebrate Your Progress
Acknowledge and celebrate the steps you take towards living authentically. This reinforces your commitment to aligning with your truth and encourages continued growth.
A life lived in alignment with your Self is a life of peace and fulfilment. By actively engaging in these beautiful, Self-honouring practices, you can create that alignment.
If you’re interested in working with me one to one or within one of my heart-centred group sessions, drop me an email.
