Breaking Free: How to Heal the Parts That Chase, and Rewire Your Brain
Feeling stuck in a pattern of chasing toxic relationships can be deeply painful and exhausting. Many women find themselves repeatedly drawn to partners who mirror unresolved wounds, leaving them trapped in a cycle that damages their sense of self-worth and wellbeing.
If you’re ready to take active steps towards healing your parts, this article offers a compassionate and actionable guide to breaking free, addressing both the psychological wounds and the biological impulses that keep you locked in to unhealthy connections.
Turning Inward with Self-Compassion
At the heart of this cycle often lies an unhealed inner child, a young part of you that feels unlovable and undeserving of love without having to work for it. She spends all her time and energy seeking external validation from toxic partners.
It is easy to blame yourself for this. You might find yourself asking why you keep repeating the same patterns. Or shaming your already shamed parts. But, rather than blaming yourself, you could start a new practice.
I invite you to turn inward and towards this unhealed inner child, with love and kindness instead of self-blame. In this self-compassion practice you can…
Listen attentively to your inner child’s fears and needs: what is it that she fears the most? What does she need from you that she didn’t have as a child?
Validate these feelings as real and important: tell her that you understand and realise how hard it is for her to feel so afraid all the time.
Offer the love and nurturing that was missing in early experiences: tell her you love her. In your minds eye, picture yourself hugging her.
This process helps to soothe the emotional pain that drives you toward harmful relationships. By giving your young self the love it seeks, you reduce the desperate need for external validation and start to rebuild a stronger, more compassionate foundation within.
This helps end you being drawn to the kinds of relationships that hurt you.
Rewiring the Brain
The other aspect to be aware of is that toxic relationships activate addictive dopamine cycles. This is where the highs of chaos and drama become neurologically reinforcing. You can read my article on Why We Chase to find out what is going on in the brain and hormones.
There is no easy way to break free, unfortunately. It takes patience with yourself and putting in place iron clad boundaries that you are prepared to enforce. Which can be easier said than done! So go gently with yourself here. And don’t get disheartened if you slip up to begin with.
People who have no boundaries to start with and are happy to blow hot and cold are not going to make it was for you to put boundaries in place. Be prepared to go no-contact if you have to and that is available to you. (If there are children or dependents involved then this will be more challenging. If there is coercive control or abuse present then please reach out to Refuge for advice).
Strategies to Rewire the Brain Include:
Establishing boundaries: Clearly define what behaviours you will and will not accept. This creates safety and signals to your nervous system that you are in control.
Seeking healthy dopamine sources: Engage in hobbies, physical exercise, creative pursuits, or social activities alone or with people you feel safe to be yourself with that bring genuine joy and satisfaction.
Mindfulness and nervous system regulation: Practices such as deep breathing, meditation, or somatic exercises help you manage discomfort and cravings by calming the nervous system and increasing tolerance for uneasy feelings.
This neuroscience-informed approach helps retrain your brain to find pleasure and security outside toxic relationships, diminishing the power those connections hold over you.
Relationship from Self, Not from Need
When you heal your inner child wound sand rewire the brain, you move toward a place of wholeness and self-leadership. This means entering relationships from a grounded sense of self, rather than from a young part’s desperate need for love or approval.
By cultivating wholeness, your relationships become healthier, more balanced, and rooted in mutual respect and genuine connection. Instead of fear, validation-seeking, or emotional dependence.
Ready to Start Your Healing Journey?
Breaking free from toxic relationship cycles is possible, and you don’t have to do it alone. At Somatic Harmony Healing, I support women like you to heal deeply through mind-body approaches and therapies such as Internal Family Systems, tailored to your unique journey.
Explore other resources or book a consultation today to learn how I can guide you toward freedom, self-love, and empowered living. Your healthier, happier relationships start with healing within.
