Using Meditation to Meet the Unmasked Self
For many late-diagnosed women, the Masking Hangover is a physical and spiritual state of depletion. It is the price paid for hours - or decades - of performing neurotypically. Policing your posture, rehearsing your facial expressions, and silencing your sensory discomfort.
When the mask finally slips at the end of the day, you aren't just tired. You can feel you are a stranger to yourself. You may ask, ‘Who am I when I’m not trying to be 'easy' for others?’
Deep meditation offers a sanctuary where the performance ends. It is the space where we can finally meet the Unmasked Self. The version of you that existed before the world told you to be quieter, more still, more ‘normal’.
The Architecture of the Mask
Masking is a survival strategy, but it’s also a form of cognitive splitting. One part of your brain is experiencing the world, while another part is monitoring how you look while experiencing it.
This creates a layer of mental static that blocks access to your intuition. Meditation isn't about clearing your mind. Instead, think of it as about turning down the volume of the Monitor so the Self can finally speak.
The "Trace-Back" Meditation: Finding the Original Self
If you were diagnosed in your 30s, 40s, or 50s, the mask may feel fused to your skin. To find the unmasked self, we can use a Trace-Back visualisation to bypass the adult performance. Here it is, step by step for you to try.
Sensory Grounding: Begin by acknowledging your sensory needs. Ditch the "meditation cushion" if it’s uncomfortable. Lay on the floor or your bed, wrap yourself in a weighted blanket, and/or use noise-cancelling headphones.
The Time-Travel Breath: As you settle, visualise your current, masked self. Acknowledge her, she has kept you safe. Then, imagine travelling back through your timeline, past the professional years and the teenage social pressures.
Meeting the Child: Find a memory of yourself before age seven. Notice how that child moved. Did she flap her hands when excited? Did she stare at the patterns of light on the wall? Did she make repetitive sounds?
The Sensory Signature: In the silence of meditation, try to "feel" that child’s sensory signature. That raw, unfiltered way of being is your Unmasked Self. She is still there, beneath the layers of "polite" conditioning.
Unconditional Love: Spend time with this little version of you who is so free. Then hold her close and send her all the love you feel for her. Let her be enveloped in your unconditional love. Spend as long as you need here.
Return: When you feel you’ve spent enough time with your unmasked child, slowly begin to return to the present. Wriggle your fingers and toes. Take a deep breath. Slowly open your eyes.
Moving to Presence
The aim of this meditation isn't just a peaceful 20 minutes; it’s about integration. When you finish your practice, try to carry one unmasked trait back into your waking life in the present time.
Maybe you allow yourself to fidget during a meeting.
Maybe you stop forcing eye contact when you’re listening intently.
Maybe you admit that a noise is painful rather than smiling through it.
Maybe you allow yourself free movement time to a favourite song.
You aren't broken or losing your edge when you unmask. You are reclaiming the energy you’ve been spending on performance.
Reclaiming Your Energy
Every time you meet your unmasked self in meditation, you refill the energy that the masking hangover takes from you. You begin to realise that the most interesting version of you isn't the one who fits in, it’s the one who was there all along, waiting for the room to get quiet enough to be heard.
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