The Perimenopausal Burnout Epidemic: ND Women Hit Hardest
This week I am bringing you a series on common concerns for neurodivergent, perimenopausal women and how to compassionately support yourself through them using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) techniques.
Today, in my last article, we finish our journey with finding out about the burn out neurodivergent, perimenopausal women struggle with.
The Hidden Burnout
For many neurodivergent women masking or camouflaging traits is a lifelong strategy we’ve subconsciously employed to survive a harsh world that isn’t designed for us and doesn’t understand us. Or even see us.
Masking is a way to blend in, avoid misunderstanding, and sidestep judgement. We present a version of ourselves to the world that we hope will be more acceptable and palatable. Even if we can see this masking is happening, and we know we are responding to societal and patriarchal pressures to perform in a certain way, we can still feel unable to stop doing it. And in fact, unmasking requires us to feel safe, and we’ve learned that the world - and some of the people in it - are anything but safe.
This constant effort to present a version of ourself that fits societal expectations is exhausting. When combined with the profound fatigue often experienced during perimenopause, the result can be a unique and debilitating form of burnout that feels overwhelming and isolating.
(This is slightly different but sits alongside the cyclical burnout many ND women deal with that can be triggered by more environmental factors and is related to mast cell activation. I’ll write an article on this next week).
Reframing Masking as an “Away Move”
Masking can be understood through the lens of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) as an "away move." In ACT, away moves involve efforts to distance ourself from pain, discomfort, or negative judgement by pushing away or rejecting authentic parts of the Self. For neurodivergent women, masking is a way of moving away from their true authenticity to avoid stigma and/or rejection.
While protective and completely understandable because the real world doesn’t want us to be authentic and isn’t safe for us anyway, these moves are ultimately unsustainable and can erode wellbeing over time.
This cumulative strain often comes to a head during perimenopause, a time of significant hormonal shifts that can amplify tiredness and cognitive fog. As the body and mind struggle to adapt, the tension between the authentic Self and the masked self becomes harder to manage. The familiar ‘safe’ act of masking grows more demanding, leading to exhaustion that ordinary rest cannot resolve.
This is a nervous system level exhaustion and dysregulation. So sleeping more, while seemingly a sensible option and even a desirable one, just isn’t going to make a difference. To regulate the nervous system, we have to do something different.
Shifting Towards Your Values
ACT invites us to move beyond avoidance by reconnecting with what truly matters, our core values. Values are the guiding principles that define who you want to be and how you want to live. Unlike goals or outcomes, values don’t promise success or ease. Instead, they offer meaning and direction. They are the things that are most important to us. And become our North Star.
For women caught in the burnout spiral, clarifying values can offer a fundamental shift. If we think of masking as an away move, living according to values or what’s important to us is a “towards move”. Allowing us to actively move in the direction of authenticity, self-acceptance, and fulfilment.
This isn’t about flipping a switch and dropping masking overnight. That would feel deeply unsafe and wouldn’t be possible. It’s about small, committed actions, chosen with intention, that honour your true Self.
Practical Steps to Align with Your Values
Reflect on what matters most: Take some quiet time to ask yourself: What qualities do I want to embody? What relationships, activities, or beliefs feel deeply important? Then write them down.
Identify small steps towards these values: These might be tiny acts, like setting a boundary to rest without explaining yourself, sharing a small part of your neurodivergence with a trusted friend, or allowing yourself to prioritise self-care that works for your nervous system. Even when others don’t understand or question your approach.
Practice self-compassion: Unmasking is challenging and can provoke discomfort or vulnerability. It’s okay to move at a pace that feels safe yet meaningful. There is no right or wrong here, and there is no right pace other than the pace you feel comfortable with.
Seek support: Whether through therapy, coaching, or supportive communities, connecting with others who understand neurodivergence and perimenopause can make this journey less isolating.
Anchor actions in your values consistently: When decisions or changes feel daunting, return to your values as a compass. Ask yourself: Does this move honour who I truly am? Is it moving me towards or away from my values?
Healing Begins with the Body
At Somatic Harmony Healing, I know healing the mind begins by understanding and listening to the body. The nervous system carries the imprint of masking and burnout, and through somatic practices combined with therapeutic approaches like Internal Family Systems and ACT, you can learn to recognise and soothe this tension.
Allow your body to be a guide rather than an adversary. By embracing your authentic experience, you give yourself permission to rest deeply, heal profoundly, and move forward with resilience rooted in your truth.
Burnout from neurodivergent masking intersecting with perimenopausal fatigue is real, but it doesn’t have to define your life. By shifting from away moves towards committed actions guided by your core values, you can reclaim your energy, your voice, and your sense of Self. The journey back to authenticity might be gradual, but every small step taken with intention is a powerful move towards freedom.
