Learning to love all our parts
Loving all our parts means embracing every aspect of ourselves, including those we may find difficult or uncomfortable. It involves recognising that we are made up of many different parts, each with its own experiences, feelings, and roles, often shaped by past trauma, conditioning, or societal expectations.
In this piece, I explain a little around the journey to loving all your parts and a few approaches you can try to help you get there.
The most important thing to remember is there are no bad parts. Even though society judges some parts as worthy and others undesirable. To really love your Self in all its technicolour beauty, we have to unlearn what society has taught us, and embrace it all.
What are ‘Parts’?
In the work that I do with groups and individuals, I use an approach called Internal Family Systems therapy. This modality posits that we all have parts and that these parts can include preventer and numbing protector parts, as well as wounds that need healing. (The movie Inside Out was based on parts and consulted with some of the world’s leading IFS clinicians, including Richard Schwartz and Frank Anderson. Some of my CPD training has been with Frank.)
Each part of us serves a purpose, aimed at protecting us or helping us navigate the complexity of relationships and society as a whole. Acknowledging these parts allows us to develop a deeper understanding of our motivations and behaviours. The ‘why’s’ behind our choices, triggers, reactions, and avoidance strategies.
What Does It Mean To Truly Love Ourselves?
To love all our parts is to approach them with compassion rather than judgement. It involves cultivating a sense of curiosity about their stories and the reasons behind their existence. Rather than suppressing or rejecting certain parts, we learn to integrate them into our sense of Self, leading to greater wholeness and resilience.
It’s a beautiful, beautiful practice. I have seen clients transform from anxious, angry, and reactive, to gentle, thoughtful and responsive. I myself continue to work with my parts on a daily basis. And I, too, have seen my relationships transform as I heal my wounds and set my protectors free of their burden of responsibility. I love it as a modality, and I’m profoundly grateful to be able to practice it.
This journey requires patience and kindness, as some protectors are hiding wounds that hold painful memories or emotions. By practising somatic awareness, we can connect with these parts not only intellectually but also through our bodily experiences. Over time, this helps us to release stored trauma and create a harmonious internal landscape.
Our aim with working with our parts, and learning to love them all, is to create a harmonious relationship with ourselves. As our Self gets to know our parts, and our parts learn to trust the Self again.
In learning to love all our parts we create self-acceptance and emotional healing. It empowers us to move through life with authenticity, breaking free from the limitations imposed by unresolved inner conflicts. By honouring our full selves, we nurture a profound sense of belonging within—both to ourselves and to the world around us.
Steps to Loving (All) Your Parts
Loving all your parts requires a compassionate and holistic approach to self-acceptance. Here are some steps to guide you through this process:
Acknowledge Your Parts: Recognise that you are made up of various aspects, including positive traits, vulnerabilities, and past experiences. Take time to identify these different parts of yourself, including those that may be difficult to accept.
Practice Mindfulness: Engage in mindfulness practices such as meditation or breath work. This helps you become aware of your thoughts and feelings without judgment. By observing them, you can begin to understand how each part contributes to your overall self.
Listen to Your Body: Pay attention to how your body responds to various emotions. Often, tensions or discomfort can signal parts of yourself that need more attention or care. Use somatic techniques to explore these sensations and the messages they convey.
Cultivate Self-Compassion: Approach yourself with kindness. Recognise that experiencing difficult emotions or traits is part of being human. Rather than criticising yourself for these aspects, practise self-compassion by treating yourself as you would a friend in a similar position.
Dialogue with Your Parts: Engage in internal conversations with your different parts. You can write letters or visualise discussions, allowing each part to express its thoughts and feelings. This process can foster understanding and integration.
Embrace Vulnerability: Acknowledge that vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness. Accepting your fears and insecurities can open the door to deeper self-love. Embrace these feelings as integral parts of your journey.
Seek Support: Sometimes, sharing your experiences with a therapist or supportive community can provide valuable insights. Engaging in therapy, especially modalities like Internal Family Systems therapy, can help you navigate complex feelings about yourself.
Celebrate Your Whole Self: As you learn to love each part of you, take time to celebrate your uniqueness. Share your journey with others if you choose to do so, recognising that every aspect contributes to your identity and your growth.
It is possible to cultivate a deeper love for all your parts, leading to a more integrated and harmonious self. This journey is ongoing and requires patience, so be gentle with yourself as you progress.
At the heart of parts work is compassion and self love.
If you are interested in working one to one with me, or you’d like to join one of my group sessions, have a nose through the rest of the website. Or you can email me at claire@harmonyhealingservices.co.uk to set up a free consultation.
