Meet the Team: The Three Types of IFS Parts
The other day I introduced you to parts work and the basic functioning of your parts. We looked at how they might show up in day to day life, and that they work in service of us. Trying hard to keep us safe and protected.
In this article, I’m going to briefly explain what the different types of parts are, and how they interact and show up day to day.
Imagine your internal system as a bustling household, each part playing a distinct role to keep everything running smoothly. More or less.
Managers or Preventers
Managers are like the household organisers. They’re the planners and rule-setters, always trying to keep the house in order and prevent chaos. Their main goal is to protect you by managing daily life and preventing emotional pain before it even pops up.
They can be thought of as prevention. They anticipate what might go wrong, and then actively try to prevent that from occurring. Think of them as the ones proactively tidying up, scheduling, and trying to prevent any accidents from happening. Which can be really exhausting! In their extreme roles, managers are often really worn out. And desperate for rest.
They may show up as:
The Perfectionist: This manager believes that if you are flawless, you can avoid criticism, shame, and failure. It might show up as an intense drive to succeed, a hyper-focus on details, and a deep fear of making mistakes. It will drive you to do everything perfectly, and is often paired up with a procrastinator that won’t let you do anything if it isn’t perfect.
The Inner Critic: This part uses harsh self-judgment to motivate you and prevent you from repeating past errors. It might sound like a harsh voice in your head that points out your flaws and shortcomings. Sometimes it has the voice of our most critical parent.
The Caretaker or People-Pleaser: This manager focuses on the needs of others to gain love, approval, and a sense of security. It can lead to difficulty setting boundaries and a tendency to neglect your own needs, putting everyone else first. It is often absolutely worn out and works closely with a burnt out part.
The Controller: This part attempts to manage situations and people to avoid unpredictability and feelings of helplessness. It can show up as a need to plan everything, difficulty with spontaneity, and a desire to be in charge. It can be rigid and inflexible, unable to have fun or relax. It often works closely with the inner critic.
The Achiever or Workaholic: This manager believes that success and constant productivity will protect you from feelings of inadequacy or worthlessness. It drives you to work long hours, take on multiple projects, and base your self-worth on your accomplishments.
The Analyser or Scientist: This part relies on logic and reason to understand and control the world, often disconnecting from emotions. It may show up as a tendency to overthink, rationalise feelings, and have difficulty with emotional intimacy. It feels that distancing keeps us safe from being hurt.
Society loves the manager parts. Think about how it rewards the overachievers, perfectionists, people pleasers and caretakers.
Firefighters or Soothers
Firefighters, on the other hand, are the emergency responders. When something painful breaks through despite the managers’ efforts, these parts leap into action without hesitation.
Their job is to quell the emotional flames as fast as possible, often using quick fixes like binge-watching your favourite series, overeating, exercising, cleaning, or other numbing behaviours including dissociating or freezing up. While their methods may not always be healthy or long-lasting, their intention is to sooth away overwhelming pain. And quite often the nagging of a manager part.
They may show up as:
Substance Use: Turning to alcohol, drugs, or food to numb emotional pain.
Binge-Watching or Excessive Screen Time (doom scrolling): Using television, social media, or video games to distract from distressing feelings.
Workaholism: Throwing yourself into work to avoid personal issues.
Angry Outbursts: Using anger to create distance from others and mask vulnerability.
Compulsive Behaviours: Engaging in shopping, gambling, or other impulsive activities to seek a quick sense of relief. This can also include cleaning, and exercise.
Dissociation or Numbing Out: Mentally and emotionally checking out to avoid feeling overwhelmed.
Society isn’t as welcoming to soother parts. Instead of seeing these behaviours as an attempt to soothe inflamed wounds, society pathologises and diagnoses, shaming us.
Exiles or Wounds
If you’d never been wounded by your experiences, conditioning, upbringing and intergenerational trauma, our household would be working pretty well. Unburdened, your preventers would keep you organised and motivated. Free from pain, your soothers would give you some much-needed fun, connection and joy.
But your parts get into extreme modes because of your psychological wounds. They can end up trapped in polarisation as your managers and firefighters fight each other to prevent the emotional pain of your past being felt. They go into overdrive to prove that the beliefs about yourself - that you hold locked deep inside of you - aren’t true.
Enter our exiles.
Tucked away in the attic these are the often young, vulnerable parts of you that carry the deepest wounds and trauma. They’re the ones your managers and firefighters work so tirelessly to keep hidden, fearing their pain might flood the whole household, like a dodgy water cistern and leaky pipes.
Though locked away, these exiles hold important messages and emotions that can get triggered. But if you tend them with care, can be the route to profound healing.
Exiled psychological wounds can show up in surprising ways. Remember, these are actually your protective parts gearing into action because your wound has been poked. But it is helpful to take a look at what that might look like and what it could mean.
Angry Outbursts: You could experience explosive anger. Maybe a wound has been triggered that didn’t have any agency or control over what happened in your past.
Sudden Sadness or Crying: Unexpected waves of sadness, grief, or hopelessness can feel confusing and untethered to the present moment. Perhaps a memory of loss has been activated.
Anxiety Attack: A sudden and intense surge of fear, often accompanied by physical symptoms like a racing heart, shortness of breath, and dizziness, could signify that a wound of lack of safety has been triggered.
Difficulty with Boundaries: This could look like you having very rigid and inflexible boundaries that shut people out or having porous boundaries where you are easily taken advantage of. This could be related to a lack of trust wound, or feeling unworthy.
Seeking Out Unhealthy Relationships: This is often related to replicating the dynamics of past traumatic relationships, often unconsciously driving you to ‘fix’ the original wound.
Sabotaging Relationships: This looks like pushing away healthy and supportive partners or friends due to a fear of showing your vulnerable side or a belief of being unworthy of love
Remember that these behaviours are usually unconscious and are driven by a profound need to protect yourself from overwhelming pain. Understanding the root of these behaviours is the first step toward healing, helping you to develop healthier coping strategies.
