Decoding Emotions: Unveiling Your Inner Messages
Emotions are complex. And can be really uncomfortable or bring incredible joy and connection. If you got to know what your emotions are trying to tell you, would that help you be less avoidant of certain emotions? And help you see them as helpful messengers, offering guidance?
Today I thought I’d unpack what emotions are responding to and the messages they could be trying to give you. As an offering of a self-compassion practice to support your journey towards wellness.
What are emotions?
Emotions are complex feelings and sensations in the body in response to interactions with other people, places, or situations. Your nervous system gathers information from your environment which is processed by the brain and adrenal glands. This determines which emotion you need to guide you in that particular scenario.
Emotions help you process and respond to experiences, influencing your behaviour, decision making, and interactions with other people. Emotions are also influenced by your values, childhood conditioning, beliefs and internalised narrative, memories, and expectations.
Emotions trigger a cascade of physiological changes in the body. For example, when you're scared, your heart may race, your palms sweat, and your muscles tense. These responses prepare you to react to the situation appropriately.
What you think about a situation or how you interpret what's happening also influences your emotions and emotional state. You might feel happy from a positive interpretation of an event, or feel sad if you think an event was a loss or failure.
The brain also has a kind of bias built into it that keeps it focused on certain interpretations depending on your emotional state. So when you are feeling sad or depressed for example, the brain will dwell on memories that feel similar. Or will interpret current situations or interactions in a more negative way. It is this bias that can keep you feeling very stuck when you are having a difficult time.
Emotions also have a positive impact for you, motivating you to act or change something in your life for the better. For example, anger might prompt you to confront a problem or set boundaries. While happiness could help you seek out more of what is making you feel good and bring more social connection.
Emotions are deeply personal and vary from one person to another. Two people can experience the same event, the same family, the same conversation but have completely different emotional reactions — and therefore memories and interpretations — based on their individual perspective.
It is this that can cause such conflict in relationships. Depending on your perceptions, past experiences, and personality, you can experience a conversation with your partner, say, in a very different way to how they experienced it.
But What Do Our Emotions Mean?
Each emotion can tell us something about our inner state and what we may need, fear, desire, or be motivated by. And with a little bit of curious digging, we can learn to decode these messages and gain valuable insights into what we are really feeling. Every emotion we experience, however uncomfortable it may be, has a secret purpose.
Here’s a breakdown of some common emotions and their meanings. And I encourage you to explore your own emotional landscape to see what gems might be hiding. But go gently. And if you need support to do this, please reach out for a one off emotional discovery session:
1. Happiness
Meaning: Happiness is a positive emotion that signals contentment, joy, or fulfilment. It can come from achieving something meaningful, enjoying an experience, being around people we love, or simply feeling at peace.
Nervous System State: Ventral vagal social engagement.
Message: Happiness encourages us to seek pleasure, connect with others, and pursue what we value.
2. Sadness
Meaning: Sadness arises when we experience loss, disappointment, or unfulfilled desires. It is a feeling of sorrow or unhappiness.
Nervous System State: Dorsal vagal shut down.
Message: Sadness is telling you, you need rest, reflection, or time for processing grief. It helps us heal and understand what matters most to us.
3. Anger
Meaning: Anger typically emerges when we feel threatened, wronged, or frustrated. It often includes feelings of irritation, rage, or resentment.
Nervous System State: Sympathetic fight.
Message: Anger is telling us that something isn’t right or that a boundary has been crossed. It motivates us to take action.
4. Fear
Meaning: Fear occurs when we perceive a threat or danger, real or imagined. It is a primal emotion that prepares us to respond to perceived harm.
Nervous System State: Sympathetic flight.
Message: Fear is telling us that something feels unsafe, and triggers our "fight-or-flight" response, helping us avoid dangerous situations or people.
5. Surprise
Meaning: Surprise is an emotion triggered by unexpected event. It can be positive (eg pleasant surprise) or negative (eg shock).
Nervous System State: Sympathetic flight or fight (even if it’s a nice surprise).
Message: Surprise alerts us to new or unusual information, prompting us to quickly process and adapt.
6. Disgust
Meaning: Disgust is a reaction to something we find offensive, repulsive, or morally unacceptable.
Nervous System State: Sympathetic flight or fight.
Message: This emotion is telling us there is potential harm, usually in relation to food or toxins, but could also be situations or interactions with people that go against our moral code.
7. Anticipation
Meaning: Anticipation is a sense of eager expectation or anxiety about a future event. It can be both positive (excited) or negative (nervous).
Nervous System State: Sympathetic flight or fight blended with ventral vagal.
Message: This emotion is preparing us mentally and physically for upcoming events, whether they are exciting or daunting, by engaging the sympathetic state which diverts blood to our muscles ready for action.
8. Guilt
Meaning: Guilt occurs when we believe we’ve done something wrong or failed to live up to our or our social group’s moral standards or responsibilities.
Nervous System State: Dorsal vagal shut down
Message: Guilt tells us to correct our mistakes, make amends, and avoid repeating behaviours that go against our values.
9. Love
Meaning: Love is a deep emotional connection with someone or something, often involving affection, attachment, and care.
Nervous System State: Ventral vagal social engagement
Message: Love tells us we are safe, bonded, and elicits a need to care for others. It also brings cooperation, helping us build strong, supportive relationships.
10. Pride
Meaning: Pride is a feeling of satisfaction or self-worth derived from our achievements, qualities, or associations.
Nervous System State: Ventral vagal social engagement.
Message: It motivates continued effort, reinforces self-esteem, and encourages a positive self-image.
11. Embarrassment
Meaning: Embarrassment occurs when we feel self-conscious or exposed, often due to a mistake, social blunder, or unintended attention.
Nervous System State: Sympathetic flight.
Purpose: Embarrassment signals the need for self-correction and helps us navigate social norms to avoid rejection or ridicule.
12. Confusion
Meaning: Confusion arises when we lack understanding or clarity about something, whether it's a situation, person, or idea.
Nervous System State: Blended.
Message: Confusion tells us we need to problem-solve and seek more information to clarify a situation or interaction. It is driving us to seek answers.
13. Jealousy
Meaning: Jealousy occurs when we see someone else’s success and judge our own progress against theirs.
Nervous System State: Activated sympathetic.
Message: Jealousy feels ugly, but it is simply telling us we really want what someone else already has. Instead of pushing that person away, or bringing them down, we can lean into the fact that they are succeeding in a place that we wish we were, allowing us to celebrate their success and use it as inspiration to bring about our own.
So you can see that emotions serve in helping you navigate the complexities of life and social engagement. They provide valuable insights into what we need, what we're experiencing, and how to respond. And that we are all constantly experiencing these messages. Understanding them can help us manage our emotional health and interpersonal relationships more effectively.
I should also mention that quite often we can become detached from and confused by our emotions. It is easy to misinterpret them, or not be able to see past the immediate sensation in the moment.
And that is okay.
How To Embrace Your Emotions
Embracing your emotions is an important step towards achieving holistic wellbeing and personal growth. Here are some practical steps to help you engage with your feelings more fully:
Acknowledge Your Emotions: Recognise and accept what you are feeling without judgment. This might involve pausing to reflect on your emotional state rather than dismissing or suppressing it.
Create a Safe Space: Allow yourself to feel your emotions in a safe environment. This could be in solitude or with trusted friends who can listen without trying to fix or minimise your experience.
Practice Mindfulness: Incorporate mindfulness into your daily routine. This can involve meditation, breathwork, or simple awareness of your feelings as they arise, helping you to stay connected to your emotional landscape.
Use Somatic Techniques: Tune into your body and the physical sensations that accompany your emotions. Notice where you feel tension or discomfort and explore these sensations through gentle movement or relaxation exercises.
Practice Compassion: Be kind to yourself as you navigate your emotions. Recognise that it is natural to experience a wide range of feelings and that you deserve to treat yourself with gentleness during this process.
Reflect and Integrate: Take time to reflect on your emotional experiences and how they influence your thoughts and behaviours. Integration of these feelings into your life can lead to greater resilience and understanding.
Embracing your emotions is a continuous journey. There isn’t a destination you are aiming for. Or some magical place you end up where you suddenly feel completely at ease with your emotions. But it is possible to get to know yourself on a deeper level by making friends with your emotions and understanding their secret messages.
Seek Support: Don’t hesitate to reach out for help if you feel it would help you get to know your emotions better and create a more compassionate relationship with them. Working with me to understand the somatic approach can provide you with tools and insights to navigate your emotions. With kindness and curiosity. Drop me an email if you’re interested in finding out more.
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