How to regulate your nervous system & emotions
And feel more in control of your emotions.
Do you feel like your emotions are all over the place? Shifting from one state to another — happy, sad, angry, irritable, mellow — within a single day?
This is of course, completely normal. Our bodies are designed to shift emotional state dependent on what is happening around us. But sometimes, we can feel like we are hostage to our emotional state.
We want to feel more balanced.
In this article, I explore the underlying system that drives our emotional state; the Autonomic Nervous System (ANS). And what happens when it becomes inflexible. I’ll also share a few ideas for supporting more flexibility in the nervous system - or better emotional regulation.
What is the Autonomic Nervous System?
The autonomic nervous system (ANS) is part of the peripheral nervous system that regulates involuntary physiological processes, including heart rate, blood pressure, respiration, and digestion. It operates automatically, without conscious control, and is divided into two main branches: the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems.
The branches of the nervous system.
You may hear the sympathetic nervous system referred to as the "fight-or-flight" system. It prepares the body for stressful or threatening situations by increasing heart rate, redirecting blood flow to essential muscles, and releasing stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol.
This response enhances physical and mental performance in emergencies. And is activated when we get nervous or exercise heavily.
The parasympathetic nervous system is responsible for the "rest-and-digest" response. It aids relaxation and recovery by slowing the heart rate, increasing digestive activities, and supporting restful states.
This branch maintains homeostasis. It supports the body to conserve energy and recuperate after stressful events. And is activated when we go to sleep, meditate, hang out with our animal companions, and socialise with people we enjoy being with.
The balance between these two systems is crucial for overall wellbeing. Dysregulation of the autonomic nervous system can we mean are stuck in an imbalanced state, or the system has become inflexible or too easily triggered. This could be because of chronic stress, trauma, PTSD, or chronic feelings of unsafety.
Being dysregulated can lead to various health issues, including chronic anxiety, stress-related disorders, and difficulties in emotional regulation. Understanding the role of the ANS is essential for developing effective strategies in somatic therapy, as it highlights how physical sensations are interconnected with emotional experiences.
The Three Branches of the ANS
The ANS is further divided into three branches as you’ll see in the graphic above. These are the sympathetic branch, parasympathetic branch which is further divided into the Ventral and Dorsal states, and finally the enteric branch.
The enteric branch is a web of interconnected neurons around the digestive system that are often referred to as the second brain because it operates separately from the brain and spinal cord. While it works very closely with the parasympathetic and sympathetic branches, it is related to the physical operations of the digestive system.
It is the sympathetic and parasympathetic branches that work so closely with our emotions. This system has been called Polyvagal Theory (PVT), a framework developed by Dr. Stephen Porges that explains how our nervous system responds to stress and trauma. PVT highlights the role of the vagus nerve, which extends from the brainstem down to various organs in the body, influencing physiological states and social connection.
These branches monitor our surroundings and environment to determine if we are safe or in danger. Along with key structures in the brain, our ANS will signal if it feels safe or in danger, kicking off the appropriate physiological and emotional reactions needed to ensure our survival.
According to polyvagal theory, the vagus nerve is made up of three pathways that correspond to different states of physiological arousal and emotional responses:
The Ventral Vagal Complex or Social Engagement System: This pathway is associated with feelings of safety and social engagement. When activated, it facilitates calmness, communication, and connection with others.
The Sympathetic Nervous System: This pathway activates the fight-or-flight response in reaction to perceived threats. It prepares the body for active defence through increased heart rate, heightened alertness, and other physiological changes.
The Dorsal Vagal Complex: This pathway governs immobilisation or shutdown responses during extreme stress or trauma. When activated, it can lead to states of dissociation, numbness, or even fainting.
The sympathetic and dorsal systems can also work in a blended state with the social engagement system to help us exercise effectively, or go to sleep. But if you’re chronically stressed, with too many stress hormones whizzing around our system, you can see why it would be hard to go to sleep. Or if you’re feeling burnt out and depressed, stuck in a dorsal vagal response, you can see why you’d find it hard to get up and do your usual activities.
By understanding these pathways and their implications for our emotional and physical wellbeing, you can better recognise your own responses to stress and trauma. This awareness can help with healing and enhance coping strategies, particularly in therapeutic settings that incorporate a somatic approach.
What Happens When You Are Chronically Under Stress
Let’s explore how chronic stress can impact your body and mind. While the term stress is bandied around in a variety of ways, almost as an accepted part of our lives, it impacts us deeply.
I think we can be a bit blasé about stress. But as you’ll see below, it impacts every system in the body. It’s no wonder stress makes us anxious, snappy, exhausted, and socially withdrawn!
Here are some of the signs of stress you may or may not be aware of.
Physical
Fatigue: Persistent tiredness that doesn't improve with rest.
Muscle Tension: Increased tightness in muscles, leading to pain or discomfort.
Sleep Disturbances: Difficulty falling asleep, staying asleep, or experiencing restless sleep.
Headaches: Frequent tension headaches or migraines.
Digestive Issues: Stomach cramps, bloating, diarrhoea, or changes in appetite.
Rapid Heart Rate: Increased heart rate or palpitations.
Weakened Immune Response: Frequent illnesses or infections due to a compromised immune system.
Emotional
Anxiety: Heightened feelings of nervousness or apprehension.
Irritability: Increased sensitivity or anger over what you would normally consider to be minor.
Depression: Persistent sadness or loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed.
Difficulty Concentrating: Trouble focusing or making decisions.
Feeling Overwhelmed: A sense of being unable to cope with daily tasks.
Burnout: This can look like all of the above combined, along with feeling on edge but exhausted.
Feelings of Hopelessness: This can look like feeling there is no point anymore, and that everything is rubbish anyway so why bother.
Behavioural
Social Withdrawal: Reduced interaction with friends and family. Or feeling like you can’t face work.
Changes in Appetite: Overeating or loss of appetite.
Increased Use of Substances: Reliance on alcohol, drugs, smoking, or caffeine for coping.
Neglecting Responsibilities: Feeling unable to fulfil work or personal obligations.
I just want to reiterate here that if you are experiencing any of these signs, it isn’t your fault and you are not to blame. Your body is coping in the way it has been designed to do when stressed. If you have been feeling this way for more than a couple of weeks with no let up, it is best to consult your GP to make sure there aren’t any other underlying conditions going on. I would do that alongside seeking therapeutic support.
In the UK, there are also emergency numbers you can call if you are in crisis. I’ve put these at the bottom of this article.
It can sometimes be hard to recognise these signs. Especially the emotional ones. They can creep up on you without you realising.
I thought therefore it might be helpful to list a few areas that can cause us increased stress and turbulence. Of course, everyone manages these scenarios differently, and how well you cope with stress depends on your neurobiology, how much support you have around you, conditioning as a child, and loads of other environmental and social factors.
It is also difficult to see when other people are dealing with stress, because we are all very good at hiding this part of ourself aren’t we! There is so much shame attached to it which makes feelings of isolation soar to the surface. And that makes us even more stressed.
I urge you therefore not to berate yourself if you are experiencing a difficult situation and feel like you’re the only one who isn’t coping. Chances are, other people around you are also struggling, we just don’t talk about it enough.
This list is not exhaustive, and what one person finds hard will be different from someone else. But if you have more than one of these things going on at once, you may well be dealing with chronic stress and you’re just not aware of how it is impacting you.
Divorce or separation
Other relationship concerns, including challenges with communication
Infidelity or another betrayal in your close relationships
Looking after an elderly, ageing or poorly parent
Having children of any age, especially if they are having a difficult time
Having children that are neurodivergent or disabled
Being neurodivergent or disabled, or your partner is
Stress at work including too much work, too little work, and finding your work boring or under-stimulating
Redundancy or your role being in review
Health concerns, including chronic illness
Preparing for or coming back from holiday due to an increase in duties before and after so you can take a break
Moving house
Difficulties in your neighbourhood
Chronic feelings of unsafety in your environment or close relationships
Bullying at school, work, or at home of you, your partner or child
World affairs or politics
Money concerns
Addiction — either you or a family member — that includes shopping, social media, self-harm, eating disorders as well as alcohol and drugs
Questioning sexuality or gender
Hormone changes in life stage such as puberty, pregnancy, post pregnancy, perimenopause, menopause, and mid-life
Sensory sensitivities
There is so much going on in our lives these days. It’s no wonder so many of us are dealing with chronic stress, anxiety, and feeling so much pressure.
How to Regulate Your Nervous System
But there is hope!
There are a few, relatively simple techniques you can employ to help you cope a little bit better with those stressful situations.
I won’t go into the science in all of these, other than to say which system they are activating. It is helpful to remember that:
If you are feeling on edge and jumpy, it’s likely your fight-flight system is online. It can be helpful to calm yourself with practices that down-regulate your nervous system.
If you are feeling sad, lonely, or disengaged from the world it is likely that your shut down response is online. It can be helpful to do very gentle practices that up-regulate your nervous system.
Remember, if you are really struggling, please reach out for a free consultation with me. And speak to your GP if you are really concerned or have been struggling for a while. And if you are in crisis, call one the numbers at the end of the article.
Breathing Techniques
Deep Breathing: Engage in deep, slow breaths. Inhale through your nose for a count of four, hold for four, and exhale through your mouth for a count of six. Repeat this for a few minutes to calm your body. Good for down-regulating from fight-flight.
Box Breathing: Inhale for four counts, hold for four counts, exhale for four counts, and hold again for four counts. This structured approach can help stabilise your emotions. Good for balancing and gentle up-regulation.
Grounding Exercises
Physical Grounding: Stand or sit comfortably and focus on your feet touching the ground. Imagine roots growing from your feet into the earth, anchoring you. Good if you feel detached from your body.
Five Senses Technique: Identify five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste to bring your awareness back to the present. Good for up-regulating if you are feeling down.
Movement Practices
Gentle Stretching: Engage in gentle stretching or yoga. This helps release tension stored in the body and gently stimulates the vagus nerve as well as mood regulation. Good for up- or down-regulation. Go gently if you are struggling with big emotions.
Walking: A simple walk outdoors can help regulate your nervous system by connecting you to your surroundings and nature. Walking naturally stimulates both sides of the brain, helping with emotional processing and problem solving. Good for rebalancing.
Mindfulness and Meditation
Mindfulness Practices: Incorporate mindfulness into your daily routine. Pay attention to your thoughts and feelings without judgement. Focus on your bodily sensations to create a greater awareness of your internal state. Good for up- or down-regulation.
Guided Meditations: Use guided meditations specifically aimed at calming the nervous system. These can provide structure and support. Good for down-regulation.
Establish Routines
Daily Routine: Create predictable daily routines that incorporate regular meal times, sleep schedules, and relaxation periods. This helps provide a sense of stability and control. Good for rebalancing.
Self-Care Rituals: Integrate self-care activities that nourish your body and mind, such as gentle walks, more vigorous exercise, reading, or engaging in creative pursuits. Good for overall balance.
Connection
Social Support: Reach out to safe friends or family for conversation or support. Building connections helps you feel less isolated and can be grounding. Stimulates our social connection / ventral vagal system. Although this can be hard when we’re feeling really down. Good for overall balance.
Therapeutic Relationships: Consider seeking support with a therapist who incorporates somatic approaches or Internal Family Systems therapy to help navigate complex emotions. Good for overall balance.
Nutrition and Hydration
Balanced Diet: Consume a balanced diet rich in whole foods. Nutritional deficiencies can impact your mood and energy levels. And being hungry can make you grumpy. Good for overall health.
Stay Hydrated: Make sure to drink enough water throughout the day, as dehydration can affect emotional regulation. Good for overall health.
Limit Stimuli
Digital Downtime: Reduce exposure to screens and social media, particularly when feeling overwhelmed. Designate periods of time to disconnect and instead engage in restful activities or things that bring you joy. Good for overall rebalancing.
Quiet Space: Create a calm space in your home for relaxation and mindfulness practices. This can serve as a retreat when your nervous system feels overstimulated. Good for down-regulation.
Develop a Compassionate Mindset
Self-Love: Remind yourself that you are enough. That you are a good person dealing with difficult things. Speak kindly to yourself, like you would your children or a beloved pet. Good for overall rebalancing.
Self-Compassion: This is one of the hardest practices we can master, but it is so worthwhile when we do. Recognise that you’re having a difficult time and that it is okay that you’re coping as best you can. No judgement. Good for overall balance.
The first thing that goes out of the window when we are feeling stressed, overstimulated, and in too much demand is self-care. And I don’t want you to feel guilty or shamed if you can’t actually do any of these suggestions. Or you can’t keep a routine going. Or speak kindly to yourself. All of this takes practice and you may not have the energy for that right now.
The most important step is understanding that your body wants to be in homeostasis. It is constantly trying to get you back to a place of balance. If you can help it get there with a few minutes each day doing something that helps you to feel better, and get better at feeling, then that is enough.
You don’t have to make big changes to your life if you’re already coping with a lot. Compassion and kindness to yourself are hugely important when we are trying to move out of a cycle of stress. Remember that this is a practice, and it may take time to find what works best for you.
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If you are in crisis there is no shame for asking for help.
Samaritans 116 123
SHOUT text service 85258
NHS mental health dial 111 and select option 2
